This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
