sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
