just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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