she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
