Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
