You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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