if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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