i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
