I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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