In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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