No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
They are going to name an STD after you.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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