how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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