i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
