I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
