wanna go halves on a baby?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
