i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
