he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
