ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
