i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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