A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
