Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
