Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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