U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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