You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I fill condoms, not promises.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
