The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
