In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
