Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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