I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
