Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
