FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
