I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
