someone threw a dead crab at me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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