Cold hands, warm shart.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
