Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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