i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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