the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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