he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
