is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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