it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
