I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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