There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
