I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
