Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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