now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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