I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
