Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
