I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
