I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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