I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
