last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
