wakey wakey hands off snakey
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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