he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
dude. I can hear the air.
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