just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
