Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
